In the End
by sanit-une
Summary: Duo's thoughts on getting over Heero.


Tile- In the End...song by Linkin Park  
  
Author- Sanit Une  
  
*It starts with one*  
  
It started out with just myself...but, doesn't everything start off with only one person? I know that is a stupid question, but in all reality, what question is not considered stupid at one time or another. Wars start with one person, and other people are either dragged into it without warning or they go willingly...like Heero did.  
  
*One thing I don't know why It doesn't even matter how hard you try Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme To explain in due time *  
  
I tried to get his attention, and several times I did...but somehow that wasn't enough. It was really the little things that pissed me off. I didn't care that he never seemed to be listening to me; but, he'd sit there and tolerate my jabbering, whether or not it was boring him or not...he'd listen...some of the time anyway.  
  
*All I know Time is a valuable thing Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings Watch it count down to the end of the day The clock ticks life away*  
  
I remember at one time I wanted to leave this hellhole of an apartment, because it was so damn dull and predictable...I never actually thought that Heero Yuy's life would be so fucking boring; but, for his, and my own sake, I stayed with him...wasting my time was all it was.  
  
Watching the clock tick by the seconds, and listening to each tick of my ebbing life, drove me crazy....but I stayed just the same.  
  
*It's so unreal Didn't look out below Watch the time go right out the window Trying to hold on but didn't even know*  
  
I watched Heero everyday, wasting his damn time on whatever project he was on...it changed everyday, and he never really went back to the same thing twice. I tried several times to get him out of the fucking apartment, with no success...but, what was I to do? I couldn't sit there and watch him waste his time like so many others who floated through my life.  
  
*Wasted it all just to Watch you go I kept everything inside and even though I tried it all fell apart What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried*  
  
Time and time again I watched him leave here to only carry out a fucking mission, and each time I wondered if he would come back to me alive, or in a pine box...as so many others had ended up. I wanted more than anything for him to stay here with me...live out his life with me, perhaps even become my husband; but, each time he left I knew that my mind would fall into pieces, and my heart would break.  
  
*I tried so hard And got so far But in the end It doesn't even matter I had to fall To lose it all But in the end It doesn't even matter*  
  
*One thing I don't know why It doesn't even matter how hard you try Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme To remind myself how I tried so hard In spite of the way you were mocking me Acting like I was part of your property Remembering all the times you've fought with me*  
  
And after each of his missions we would celebrate...what I'm not sure of; but, I was celebrating that fact that he came back to me alive. But every time he were to leave, it would always cause a fight. I didn't want him to leave, and he wanted to...I don't know why he couldn't understand that...but either way he would leave weather or not I approved of it or not. Bastard!  
  
*I'm surprised it got so (far) Things aren't the way they were before You wouldn't even recognize me anymore Not that you knew me back then But it all comes back to me*  
  
Now that he has been out of my life for over a year, I had to move on. I couldn't sit and wait, he wouldn't have done the same if it I was the one to leave on that stupid fucking mission. And everything that he thought I was, isn't true; at least not anymore. I found someone new, and he's out of my life. But I do still care deeply for Heero...I just can't stand to look at him; because it brings back all those horrible memories of him leaving me to carry out some stupid mission...weather it had any meaning or not; Heero sill left unannoused, and no word for a year.  
  
*In the end You kept everything inside and even though I tried it all fell apart What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried*  
  
You hid everything from me...I told you that I loved you several times, and you just said 'Hn' and went on with your business.  
  
Love is a two person business, Heero, and I can't be the one to always hold the fort down. I can't be the glue that holds us together, you had to help too you know.  
  
Now all that is just a memory, a lesson I had to learn the hard way, I suppose...I just hope that you appreciate the trouble I went through to keep you by my side, and in my bed...but I guess you didn't want to stay there.  
  
*I tried so hard And got so far But in the end It doesn't even matter I had to fall And lose it all But in the end It doesn't even matter*  
  
*I put my trust in you Pushed as far as I can go And for all this There's only one thing you should know*  
  
I trusted you, I loved you, and you pushed me away, like you did everyone else. I don't know what you're afraid of, but I suggest that you get over it...or you'll loose everything, and everyone who was ever close to you, and you'll only have yourself to blame.  
  
*I put my trust in you Pushed as far as I can go And for all this There's only one thing you should know*  
  
*I tried so hard And got so far But in the end It doesn't even matter I had to fall And lose it all But in the end It doesn't even matter*  
  
Like the song says, Heero, 'in the end it doesn't even matter'. I tried everything to get you to be close to me...obviously it didn't work. 


End file.
